Week.. what week is this?

I'm losing count.  What week is this?  Week 47, is that right?

I remember back in January when I first decided to make taking care of myself a priority and in that vien begin this blog I was so gung ho.  I was all about it.  This was it.  In order to do anything else well in life I knew that I needed to take the time to see to my own well-being.
I joined SparkPeople.  I tracked my food and water intake.  I educated myself on good nutrition.  I began to exercise.  Will-power was nothing I even had to think about; I was 'in the zone'!

Well here I am at week 47 and am I still 'in the zone'?  Still?  I've derailed from aforementioned zone often enough to make a pretty pattern on my boarding pass.  At this moment, I'm somewhat in.  Better last week, but not bad this.
I weighed in this morning and I lost a little more.  I lost weight quickly in the first 4 months, then it started slowing to a snails pace.  At first it was just my body doing it's thing, but then it was due to my lack luster effort.  I'd pick it up some weeks and then be a slug the next.
At my best, I had lost 42 pounds.  I'm now at 39.6 pounds lost.

I'm not sure why I lose momentum.  I certainly do not want to put this weight on again, that's for sure.  I was discouraged due to giving it my all and not seeing results.  I wasn't discouraged from lack of speed, it's a life change, not a race.  So why does this happen to me?  It has been the case with me my whole life.  Why?
I tried seeing a Christian counselor several months back with this being one of my big issues I wanted to work out and be done with.  But after a few months, I was leaving the sessions knowing more about her family than what she was hearing about mine and often I felt judged and discouraged by her - so that was that.  It was worth a try, right?  I remember when I specifically brought this topic up and asked her why I can't seem to stick with it - why do I always go back to my unhealthy ways.  She told me to, "Go home and read up on it and tell her next time what I found out."  I did just that with the main point that 'experts' make being that there is an unresolved issue that the obese person knows about that causes this.  I told her, but that's the thing, I don't know.  And that was the end of that.  She offered me nothing!

So why?  Why do I struggle to stay with this when I know it is for the best.  Why could I face what can typically be a huge challenge like Thanksgiving and get through it without a single struggle and then another plain old day I just crumble?

Anyone hear me on this?  Can anyone relate?

Well here's the thing, I'm not quitting.  I'm not giving in.  Week 47, or whatever it is, will not be the last for me.  I want to lose 50 pounds, if I could lose even more, great; but 50 is a must.  There's no race, no time limit.  I want to get that weight off and keep it off. 
I feel like I do many things well.  Good even; but nothing great.  I want to succeed at this.  I need to succeed at this.

I'm not trying to be hard on myself, just honest and real.  This is where I am at week 47.

Here are my goals this week:
Sign in to SparkPeople every morning.
Track my food, even when it isn't all good.
Drink 6 glasses of water a day.
NOT give up!!!

It's time to get my nightly cup of tea.  Good night friends!

PS ~ My 5 year old son chose a slip of paper from the 6 entries into "I AM THANKFUL" who stuck with the challenge.  I'm heading over to verify that they made 26 entries.  I'll announce the winner tomorrow.