Weeeeee

Or I should say, 'Wiiiiiiii'.

My sister very kindly bought me a Wii Fit when she bought one for herself.  Thank you thank you!!

I really didn't know what I'd think about it.  I thought exercise is exercise, right?

But I'm finding that I get so into the games, that it's not until after I finish a round that I realize that I've worked up a sweat and that my heart rate is excellerated.  Even my young son's want to join in and they will do a routine with me even though they are not standing on the Wii Fit board.

So instead of my usual moans and groans about exercise, I'm now saying, 'Wiiiiii'!

What are you doing to keep your exercise fun?

Check It Out

Thank the Lord for all of this beautiful weather that has finally come after such a rough spring!!

Doesn't it just make you feel more energetic?  I spent the whole day yesterday outside doing yard work and getting ready to start my garden (a little later than I would have liked).

I've been hanging in.  Some days eating great, some days not so much.  I've been using my new Wii Fit (love it!), but not as much as I should.  I'm not losing, but I'm not gaining.  I'm just hanging in there.  But I'm not beating myself up either.  Praying I'll find my rhythme sooner than later.

I have been working on something God has been leading to for years and that is a speaking ministry.  I've been involved with our Womens Ministry at church for over six years and the Coordinator for over three of those years.  Last fall I felt the Lord calling me to take a larger step out from just speaking at our church and leading only our women in Bible study.
I had met with our pastor who had advised me to make business cards and an information packet - but then my aunt got ill and well, that was that for then.
I have created the business cards and am continuing to work on the rest.  I have also created a blog called  My Time With God at the Kitchen Table.  Please check it out and let me know what you think, leave a comment and maybe even 'follow'.

I hope everyone is feeling energized by the change of season and that you're all making great choices!!

One Step At A Time

I did it.
I got on the scale this morning.
It wasn't pretty!!
I think I heard my scale weep just a little bit. 
I joined it.

But it's ok.  This is where I am and I can't change that at this moment.  But it will change.  It takes time.  I will be gentle with myself and take one step at a time.
This week my goal is to think before I eat - no mindless eating.

They'll be many more steps to take - jounaling my eating, getting my 8 glasses of water a day, exercise (why does that always sound like a dirty word to me?) and so on..  But life is a journey and this is part of it.

My mini goal is to lose 5 pounds, however long that takes.

Well I'm off to prepare for our 5 year old friend that's coming over for a playdate.... That's gotta be worth a pound ;)

Bad Choices or No Choices?

First off - thanks so much to all of you gals who were so kind to leave words of encouragement last week.  I can't tell you how much it means!!

This morning as I was packing my older son's lunch/snack bag for school I was thinking of the things I needed to get done today:
put away laundry (don't mind the washing/drying/folding but it's the putting away that I don't like - anyone else?)
finish preparing for Bible study tonight (leading a great group of gals through the book of Philippians)
wash floors (I'm sorry floors I've neglected you)
spend time with boys!! (needs to be a priority - easy to get 'busy' with other stuff that's not nearly as important)
schedule eye appointments (I think/hope we are done with snow - I've made 3 appointments and had to cancel due to snow each time)

and so on...

But as I was in my thinking haze, I sort of.. came to.  As I did I realized I was stuffing my face full of popcorn - finishing up what was left in the bag I had popped for my son's snack.  Now popcorn isn't terrible, but the thing is I wasn't even really aware I was doing it.  It's not like I looked at it and made a choice that I wanted to eat it - that it was worth the calories for me first thinkg in the morning.  It was midless eating.

This whole 'mindless eating' thing has become a big problem for me lately.  It's one thing when you make a choice - good/bad or indifferent.  At least you thought about it and can then either say, 'yay me - nice job' or 'oh gosh, better think twice about doing that again - better choice next time.'  But when you eat mindlessly.. well... I guess I find that far more frustrating than making a bad choice because it's like I gave myself no choice at all.

I need to re-train myself to make sure I think before I eat another bite!  I don't want to keep packing pounds back on because I daze out and shove things into my mouth without a thought.
This is my main goal for this week.

I will think before I eat!

Gonna weigh in shortly.  Haven't done that in quite a while.  I need a base from which to start.  I'll face it, wipe away the tears, and use any sadness or frustration I feel to become a positive to encourage me to press on!

Tomorrow I will write about what inspires me to want to do this.  To make taking care of myself a priority.

It's time to get #1 son off to school.  Have a great day everyone and make good choices!!

Frustrated, Fat and Failing (wow - how depressing)

First let me start by saying it is soooo time to change the look of this blog.  The snowflakes have got to go!  Do I hear an amen?!!

Well folks, my worst fears have come true.  As has happened every time I have tried to change my life in the past, I lost 40 pounds and have now successfully put 12 lbs back on!!  I'm back up a size and even those are starting to get a bit uncomfortable.
That feeling of waking up like a blob... well that's back too.

WHY WHY WHY do I do this every stinkin' time???
My frustration with myself is through the roof!  It's a vicious cycle.  I get angry at myself for my bad choices and weight gain so I stress, cry, eat (repeat repeat repeat).

It seems like it should be easy, doesn't it?  If you feel gross and hate yourself for gaining weight then stop.  Just stop.  Stop overeating.  Stop making terrible choices - or even worse, mindless eating where there aren't even any decisions being made.  Start moving, get off your fat back side!!  Ughhhhh!!!

I know what to do.  I know how to do it.  I CAN do it.  So why don't I?

I'm dreading the weather warming up.  What am I going to wear?  I'm going to be the chick in a turtle neck and jeans again trying to hide myself as if piling layers of clothes will distract people from realizing that there are rolls of fat hiding beneath.

I don't even know what to say to myself.

Has anyone gone through this same thing and actually found a way to get on track and stay there?  I mean REALLY stay there.  Endurance.  Longevity.  Truly a lifestyle change.  If you have, PLEASE share!!

Is anyone even reading me any more since I've neglected you so?...

I'm Moving Now

A step in the right direction.
I have finally gotten back to exercise!  3 - 4 times a week for the past few weeks, about 2 miles each day with Leslie Sansone.  It's a start, a good start and I'm pleased.
I can already see my legs shaping up again (as much as these tree stumps can).  I have enormous legs, always have, always will.  It's just a matter if they are jumbo and jiggley or massive and muscular.  And since I love m&m's I'll shoot for the latter :)

My eating however, although improved still has far to go.  I'm finding on the days that I exercise that my appetite goes through the roof.  I would totally understand if I were training for a marathon, but for 2 miles it really shouldn't make much of a difference.  Still for the most part my choices are improving.

The hubs put the scale away some weeks back and at this point I'm leaving it there.  I think in another week or so I'll pull the monster thing out.

Looking back at pictures from last summer and fall while I was still on track I'm a little surprised at what I see.  I must stress, what I see.  I was eating well, exercising and the scale was going down yet as I look at the photos the words that go through my head are 'Man, even with 40 pounds gone look at how fat you still are!'  Wow! How sad.

I can recongnize that I look happy and I see health when I look into the face on the pictures; but the body... ugh!  And yet here I am with some of those pounds lost found again.  I battle in my mind how hard it was to lose that weight and yet I was (am) still so big.  I'm struggling to remind myself that my body just wasn't designed to be a small designer size, but it certainly was designed to be healthy and that's what I need to focus on.  Health not number (scale or clothes tag).

Hoping to keep my focus on health without worring about where that puts me on the number wheel at this time.  Sometimes I think the biggest battle I have is the image in my head, not the number on the scale.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Back at the beginning on last year I came up with some rewards for myself for pounds lost.  I earned a hair cut way back when but when there was time, there wasn't any money and when there was money, well.. you know how it goes.
Today I FINALLY got my hair cut.

BEFORE:

(my 8 year old took this picture for me)

AFTER:

(the hubs took this one for me)

It feels great to shred all of that hair!  Now to start shredding some serious weight again!!