Weeeeee

Or I should say, 'Wiiiiiiii'.

My sister very kindly bought me a Wii Fit when she bought one for herself.  Thank you thank you!!

I really didn't know what I'd think about it.  I thought exercise is exercise, right?

But I'm finding that I get so into the games, that it's not until after I finish a round that I realize that I've worked up a sweat and that my heart rate is excellerated.  Even my young son's want to join in and they will do a routine with me even though they are not standing on the Wii Fit board.

So instead of my usual moans and groans about exercise, I'm now saying, 'Wiiiiii'!

What are you doing to keep your exercise fun?

Check It Out

Thank the Lord for all of this beautiful weather that has finally come after such a rough spring!!

Doesn't it just make you feel more energetic?  I spent the whole day yesterday outside doing yard work and getting ready to start my garden (a little later than I would have liked).

I've been hanging in.  Some days eating great, some days not so much.  I've been using my new Wii Fit (love it!), but not as much as I should.  I'm not losing, but I'm not gaining.  I'm just hanging in there.  But I'm not beating myself up either.  Praying I'll find my rhythme sooner than later.

I have been working on something God has been leading to for years and that is a speaking ministry.  I've been involved with our Womens Ministry at church for over six years and the Coordinator for over three of those years.  Last fall I felt the Lord calling me to take a larger step out from just speaking at our church and leading only our women in Bible study.
I had met with our pastor who had advised me to make business cards and an information packet - but then my aunt got ill and well, that was that for then.
I have created the business cards and am continuing to work on the rest.  I have also created a blog called  My Time With God at the Kitchen Table.  Please check it out and let me know what you think, leave a comment and maybe even 'follow'.

I hope everyone is feeling energized by the change of season and that you're all making great choices!!

One Step At A Time

I did it.
I got on the scale this morning.
It wasn't pretty!!
I think I heard my scale weep just a little bit. 
I joined it.

But it's ok.  This is where I am and I can't change that at this moment.  But it will change.  It takes time.  I will be gentle with myself and take one step at a time.
This week my goal is to think before I eat - no mindless eating.

They'll be many more steps to take - jounaling my eating, getting my 8 glasses of water a day, exercise (why does that always sound like a dirty word to me?) and so on..  But life is a journey and this is part of it.

My mini goal is to lose 5 pounds, however long that takes.

Well I'm off to prepare for our 5 year old friend that's coming over for a playdate.... That's gotta be worth a pound ;)

Bad Choices or No Choices?

First off - thanks so much to all of you gals who were so kind to leave words of encouragement last week.  I can't tell you how much it means!!

This morning as I was packing my older son's lunch/snack bag for school I was thinking of the things I needed to get done today:
put away laundry (don't mind the washing/drying/folding but it's the putting away that I don't like - anyone else?)
finish preparing for Bible study tonight (leading a great group of gals through the book of Philippians)
wash floors (I'm sorry floors I've neglected you)
spend time with boys!! (needs to be a priority - easy to get 'busy' with other stuff that's not nearly as important)
schedule eye appointments (I think/hope we are done with snow - I've made 3 appointments and had to cancel due to snow each time)

and so on...

But as I was in my thinking haze, I sort of.. came to.  As I did I realized I was stuffing my face full of popcorn - finishing up what was left in the bag I had popped for my son's snack.  Now popcorn isn't terrible, but the thing is I wasn't even really aware I was doing it.  It's not like I looked at it and made a choice that I wanted to eat it - that it was worth the calories for me first thinkg in the morning.  It was midless eating.

This whole 'mindless eating' thing has become a big problem for me lately.  It's one thing when you make a choice - good/bad or indifferent.  At least you thought about it and can then either say, 'yay me - nice job' or 'oh gosh, better think twice about doing that again - better choice next time.'  But when you eat mindlessly.. well... I guess I find that far more frustrating than making a bad choice because it's like I gave myself no choice at all.

I need to re-train myself to make sure I think before I eat another bite!  I don't want to keep packing pounds back on because I daze out and shove things into my mouth without a thought.
This is my main goal for this week.

I will think before I eat!

Gonna weigh in shortly.  Haven't done that in quite a while.  I need a base from which to start.  I'll face it, wipe away the tears, and use any sadness or frustration I feel to become a positive to encourage me to press on!

Tomorrow I will write about what inspires me to want to do this.  To make taking care of myself a priority.

It's time to get #1 son off to school.  Have a great day everyone and make good choices!!

Frustrated, Fat and Failing (wow - how depressing)

First let me start by saying it is soooo time to change the look of this blog.  The snowflakes have got to go!  Do I hear an amen?!!

Well folks, my worst fears have come true.  As has happened every time I have tried to change my life in the past, I lost 40 pounds and have now successfully put 12 lbs back on!!  I'm back up a size and even those are starting to get a bit uncomfortable.
That feeling of waking up like a blob... well that's back too.

WHY WHY WHY do I do this every stinkin' time???
My frustration with myself is through the roof!  It's a vicious cycle.  I get angry at myself for my bad choices and weight gain so I stress, cry, eat (repeat repeat repeat).

It seems like it should be easy, doesn't it?  If you feel gross and hate yourself for gaining weight then stop.  Just stop.  Stop overeating.  Stop making terrible choices - or even worse, mindless eating where there aren't even any decisions being made.  Start moving, get off your fat back side!!  Ughhhhh!!!

I know what to do.  I know how to do it.  I CAN do it.  So why don't I?

I'm dreading the weather warming up.  What am I going to wear?  I'm going to be the chick in a turtle neck and jeans again trying to hide myself as if piling layers of clothes will distract people from realizing that there are rolls of fat hiding beneath.

I don't even know what to say to myself.

Has anyone gone through this same thing and actually found a way to get on track and stay there?  I mean REALLY stay there.  Endurance.  Longevity.  Truly a lifestyle change.  If you have, PLEASE share!!

Is anyone even reading me any more since I've neglected you so?...

I'm Moving Now

A step in the right direction.
I have finally gotten back to exercise!  3 - 4 times a week for the past few weeks, about 2 miles each day with Leslie Sansone.  It's a start, a good start and I'm pleased.
I can already see my legs shaping up again (as much as these tree stumps can).  I have enormous legs, always have, always will.  It's just a matter if they are jumbo and jiggley or massive and muscular.  And since I love m&m's I'll shoot for the latter :)

My eating however, although improved still has far to go.  I'm finding on the days that I exercise that my appetite goes through the roof.  I would totally understand if I were training for a marathon, but for 2 miles it really shouldn't make much of a difference.  Still for the most part my choices are improving.

The hubs put the scale away some weeks back and at this point I'm leaving it there.  I think in another week or so I'll pull the monster thing out.

Looking back at pictures from last summer and fall while I was still on track I'm a little surprised at what I see.  I must stress, what I see.  I was eating well, exercising and the scale was going down yet as I look at the photos the words that go through my head are 'Man, even with 40 pounds gone look at how fat you still are!'  Wow! How sad.

I can recongnize that I look happy and I see health when I look into the face on the pictures; but the body... ugh!  And yet here I am with some of those pounds lost found again.  I battle in my mind how hard it was to lose that weight and yet I was (am) still so big.  I'm struggling to remind myself that my body just wasn't designed to be a small designer size, but it certainly was designed to be healthy and that's what I need to focus on.  Health not number (scale or clothes tag).

Hoping to keep my focus on health without worring about where that puts me on the number wheel at this time.  Sometimes I think the biggest battle I have is the image in my head, not the number on the scale.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Back at the beginning on last year I came up with some rewards for myself for pounds lost.  I earned a hair cut way back when but when there was time, there wasn't any money and when there was money, well.. you know how it goes.
Today I FINALLY got my hair cut.

BEFORE:

(my 8 year old took this picture for me)

AFTER:

(the hubs took this one for me)

It feels great to shred all of that hair!  Now to start shredding some serious weight again!!

A Season Past

I don't know if anyone out there will read this as I've been away so long.
But some of you have been kind enough to offer up prayers for my Aunt Helen and I wanted to let you know that she passed away last Tuesday.  Today we laid her to rest.  My dear sweet aunt hurts no more and is with her husband of 54 years once more.  Rest In Peace Aunt Helen!!

For the past 4 months I have spent 4 - 5 days a week (less on snow weeks) at the hospital and/or rehab visiting with my aunt.  It became my 'normal'.  What also became normal in this time was returning to my old ways; specifically, stress eating.
I have put weight back on and at the moment don't feel like I can abodon ship.  I so want to though.  Stress has become a constant as of late, I think it's that way on some level for many of us.  I need to not use it as an excuse.  I need to pray and give things to God instead of thinking I can eat my way peaceful :)

So readers, bear with me please as I try to get back on track and make my good health a priority.

Again, thank you for your prayers!!!

Weekly Ceck-In, yeah!

Well let me cut to the chase folks..
If my scale can be trusted, I lost 4 pounds this week!
It feels good to be on the down slope again!!

I need to get exercise back into my routine... but my life isn't really routine at the moment.
I'm continuing to run back and forth to visit my poor aunt.  She is going very slowly. She's fighting it for all she is worth; all 71 pounds of her.  She breaks my heart.

On a positive note, I've been rediscovering healthy foods I love.  No clever recipes to share at the moment, just yummy snacks like low fat peanut butter in celery and adding a wedge of Laughing Cow to my baked potato - yummmmm!!

Working on getting my water consumtion up again too. 

Ok - sorry, quick post this time.  IT's TIME to go volunteer at my son's school

Have a great day everyone!
Keep making good choices!!

Bellissimo!

It's amazing to me how when you stop eating.. you know, everything in sight, food tastes better.

When you are being selective about what you are eating and then taking the time to eat properly and not shovel it in as you do a hundred other things you allow yourself to actually experience the food.

You can savor each flavor...
explore each texture...

Taking the care to prepare fresh meals helps to give me a better appreciation for food.

Bellissimo!

Bacon!

I love me some bacon!!

I don't eat it though.  This is a massive trigger food for me!

If someone were to say to me at a brunch, "Would you like some bacon?"  My response would be, "Oh sure I'd love a little. You can just put a pound right here next to the pineapple, I'm eating light."

So in celebration of this yummy food that I must avoid, here's a little comedy clip about the scrumptious, salty treat.  There is some very mild language in this (almost not worth mentioning really).

I hope it gives all you bacon lovers a chuckle!!

Dear Self..

Dear Diane,

Good morning!  You're going to have a great day today!
Just a few days of being back on track and just look at how great you're doing and how amazing you are feeling.  Well done!  Allow yourself to feel good about these changes.

Continue to make good choices.  Think about nutrition when making your food choices, not just how to fit in a treat :)  Take the time to enjoy what you're eating and don't eat on the run.

Since you are still a little sick, make sure you take time to rest too and get to bed early tonight!

A word of warning, Nutella is not your friend!  This is a new weakness for you, put it to the back of the cabinet where you can get it when the kids want it but it will not be in the forefront to call and entice you with it's seductive chocolatey creaminess.  Enough said.

Remember, life is not a popularity contest!  It bears repeating, LIFE IS NOT A POPULARITY CONTEST!  Don't worry about what other people think of you.  As our dear friend Barbara once shared with us, 'It's none of my business what other people think of me.'

Don't neglect your blog, it helps keep you on track.  This too is not a popularity contest.  Write for yourself and if it encourages others, excellent!

You're doing great Diane!  Keep up the good work!!

Love,
Yourself

And My Theme For The Year Is.....

It's that time again.. I can't beleive it.

2010 passed by so quickly and yet there were days I thought would never end.

2010 brought our first ladies retreat at church last January. It brought my first sucessful vegetable garden. A small car accident (but not a small bill to repair scratch!) I saw my niece get married this summer and made my first stacked wedding cake. It was one of the most wonderful summers I've ever had; made wonderful memories with my boys! We went on our first real family vacation. I saw my baby head off to Kindergarten and my older son went to 3rd grade. It was the year my Uncle Kenny went home to be with the Lord. My husband and I celebrated 10 years of wedded bliss!  My Aunt Helen became unwell and now lives in a nursing home/rehab. It was the year I felt the Lord call me into ministry. I lost 40 pounds this year! There were ups, there were downs and lots of twists and turns.

Those of you who have read my blog for any time will remember that each year at this time I choose a word, or theme for the year ahead as opposed to making 'resolutions'. Before I write about 2011, I'd like to think back on my word for 2010. My word for 2010 was FIT. I wanted to 'fit' myself back into my life. I wanted to take myself off of the bottom of my to-do list. I ate better. Tracked my food on SparkPeople.com. I began to exercise (never thought I'd do that). I studied God's word on a more regular basis. I took some time, maybe not enough, but some time, for me.

So now it is time to unviel my word for this year. After thinking over exactly what I want in my mind for several weeks, God has finally delivered my word to me. ACTION! I want to be a woman of action. Woooow, that can sound.. suspect. Let me explain...

So often I think in my mind what I'd like to do. What I should do. What I could do. And yet, frequently, I do nothing at all.

I write lists that never get completed. I start projects that get left undone. I have so many people that I intend to write to and yet....

I've tried to figure out why I do, or rather, don't do these things and the best I can come up with is fear. Fear of failure, of not doing things 100% correct or maybe even just not as well as others.

Self talk ~ "I could write her a note but what if she isn't encouraged by it or what if she doesn't even know who I am?" (I wrote a note to a stranger years ago after hearing her father's prayer request on her behalf. She now goes to our church and she approached me on one of her first visits to thank me.) "I could try to write a children's book but what if it's no good and no one wants to publish it?" (Twelve publishers turned down J.K. Rowlings before one agreed to publish Harry Potter. Besides, shouldn't I at least give them the opportunity to refuse me?) "I feel called by the Lord to be a women's ministry speaker, but what if no one wants to hear me? What if they don't like me? Who am I to speak, I don't have a theology degree?" (Beth Moore doesn't have a degree in theology. Am I not short-changing God if I hear His call but think He doesn't know who He is calling?) "I could apply for that job but the hours probably wont work for our family or I'll most likely be terrible at it." (Who would have thought when I started a temp job when I was 24 that I would become a natural on computers and would then be promoted 3 times in 4 years? Why do I automatically think that I'll fail?)

God tells us in His word over 300 times to "Fear No", yet I've been choosing to disobey Him and fear. Why in the world do I choose the terrible feeling of fear and let it restrict my life rather than choose the security that as long as I'm living in His will He will provide? Silly, right? Right!

Also, the word action has come to me time and time again in studying scripture. In the early fall of this past year the Lord put a speaking topic on my heart having to do with action. If you say you're a Christian, you must take action! I have been writing my first retreat topic based on this. As I write it I find myself saying 'But who is going to want to hear it? You'll write it and then never share it." Wow - some seriously defeated self-talk hugh? Kinda pathetic!! If God is putting the topic of action on my heart, the person who most needs to let that take affect in their life is me!! How can I share it with others and not have it first take root in my own life? Action therefore for me means to stop being held back by fear and getting on with it; whatever the 'it' may happen to be at a certain time.

So this year I will take ACTION!

* I will continue to study and write the talks that the Lord has put on my heart knowing that He will show me when and where I am to share His inspiration. I will proceed with the calling the Lord has put on my heart and go into ministry as a women's speaker.

* I will write the children's stories that are in my mind. I will work on the illustrations and not worry if they will be good enough. They certainly wont be if I don't even try. I want to submit at least one book to a publisher this year.

* I will submit at least one devotional for publication. If God puts thoughts, stories into my mind that encourage me and some of the ladies from my church then I should see if He wishes them to encourage other Christians as well.

* I will put my body into action. I will continue to become a more active person. I will find physical activities the whole family can do together.

* I wont just think about tracking my food, I'll do it.  Even when I don't want to admit to what I've eaten I will put it down to make myself more aware.  Junk in, junk out - if I want to be active I need to feed my body well.

* I will make/buy cards and have stamps available so that when the Lord puts someone on my heart who needs a word of encouragement, I'll be ready to go. No excuses.

* In general, I will not be held back by fear. I will not be recklace, but I will go forth and live my life and not wait things out on the sideline. I'm getting in the game folks so hold on to your hats!!

Ready, set, ACTION!!

1st Weekly Check-In of the Year!

Happy 2011 folks!
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Years, we sure did!!  In fact, a little too good if you know what I'm saying.  I swear the scale laughed at me this morning!!  Well the joke will be on the scale next Monday!! (and I don't mean me standing on it..)

I let myself go over the last few weeks, but I'm ready to get back to business and I'm feeling really good about it.  The thing with indulging with foods and getting off the exercise track is in the very short term you feel good.  You enjoy the flavors and the relaxation you may be basking in rather than getting some calories burned, but these pleasures are very short lived.

After a few weeks of this and I feel like a slug.  My energy is shot, my pants are tight, and I feel like a blob.  Not good.  Why would I choose that?  Seriously?

Well I'm ready to go back to my  'non-blobbiness'.  I started the day with a 1/2 cup of egg beaters, a slice of tomato, a 1/2 slice of cheese and a 1/2 of a sandwich thin.  Yummy, filling and nutritious and only 153 calories!  Great start to the day!

I am currently in the process of bloging about my word for the year.  I have done this for the past three years.  The first year my word was Simplify, then Organize and last year was of course, FIT.  Fit stood for many things but primarily I wanted to 'fit' myself back into my life and as a result this blog was born to help me to do that.

I would like to thank each of my readers, especially you gals who take the time once in a while to leave me a note of encouragement, support, suggestions and such - it means so much!!!
I'll be sure to post my new 'word' once I've finished writing.

Wishing you all much happiness, good health and success with all of your goals in the new year!!
God Bless!!
diane :)

It's Time for me to go volunteer at my older son's school....