Welcome! Thank you for joining me as I blog my 'weigh' to a healthier me. I pray I will be of encouragement to you to reach your goals! Please feel welcome to become a follower - I'd love the encouragement. If you add me to your blog roll, please let me know so I can reciprocate.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Frustrated, Fat and Failing (wow - how depressing)

First let me start by saying it is soooo time to change the look of this blog.  The snowflakes have got to go!  Do I hear an amen?!!

Well folks, my worst fears have come true.  As has happened every time I have tried to change my life in the past, I lost 40 pounds and have now successfully put 12 lbs back on!!  I'm back up a size and even those are starting to get a bit uncomfortable.
That feeling of waking up like a blob... well that's back too.

WHY WHY WHY do I do this every stinkin' time???
My frustration with myself is through the roof!  It's a vicious cycle.  I get angry at myself for my bad choices and weight gain so I stress, cry, eat (repeat repeat repeat).

It seems like it should be easy, doesn't it?  If you feel gross and hate yourself for gaining weight then stop.  Just stop.  Stop overeating.  Stop making terrible choices - or even worse, mindless eating where there aren't even any decisions being made.  Start moving, get off your fat back side!!  Ughhhhh!!!

I know what to do.  I know how to do it.  I CAN do it.  So why don't I?

I'm dreading the weather warming up.  What am I going to wear?  I'm going to be the chick in a turtle neck and jeans again trying to hide myself as if piling layers of clothes will distract people from realizing that there are rolls of fat hiding beneath.

I don't even know what to say to myself.

Has anyone gone through this same thing and actually found a way to get on track and stay there?  I mean REALLY stay there.  Endurance.  Longevity.  Truly a lifestyle change.  If you have, PLEASE share!!

Is anyone even reading me any more since I've neglected you so?...


  1. You just have to pull yourself up, dust yourself off, and get right back on track. This journey is so much harder than people think. Never give up the fight!

  2. I'm still here. And I've gained back 35 of the 45 I lost last year. So hey, 12lbs doesn't sound so bad now, does it? ;) For me, I've been having a hard time with this too. I don't know if I really have any words of wisdom. Basically, I've decided not to diet. I'm trying to deal with the mental crap that keeps me in this cycle so I can finally be truly free. I personally think, if I can do that, losing the weight will come on it's own. Most people think I'm crazy. But whatever. You gotta find your own journey and path. I guess the number one thing - don't give up on yourself! Find your journey!

  3. Hey... I can post!! I have tried posting so many times and it wouldn't let me. Let's hope this goes through. First of all, thank you for your comments on my blog. I haven't forgotten you... I read your blog and think about you often... just couldn't post any comments for some reason.

    Boy, is it a fight! We are all fighting this and the key is like Ashley said, Never give up. Every day is a new day. Try not to look at it as going backwards. Because you are still learning. Learning is always moving forwards!

    One day at a time.. one choice at a time. It's hard to learn to be gentle with ourselves but we need to. You are a fabulous and strong woman! And you are beautiful, m'dear!!

    Take care and God Bless!

  4. Of course you can do this!! I need a swift kick in the pants myself. Take one day at a time, one moment at a time if that's what you have to do. You are still down 28 poiunds, that's awesome!! I've gained 5 pounds :(

  5. Thank you ladies for your encouragement!!
    Ashley - I won't give up! Cloudy of dust are drifting up into the air as I type from dusting myself off :)
    Sam - I don't think you're crazy at all! I agree that sometimes the battle with our emotions/thinking/past is what keeps us from succeeding. You do what you need to do to take care of you!!
    Margene - I defenitely am my own harshet critic (as I feel most women are). I will try to give myself a break and get back with it. I just watched your YouTube video... amazing!! Incredibly inspiring!!

    thank you ladies!!!

  6. Ok, we'll have to slap eachother around honey! 5's not bad!!

  7. I say ditto to everything that was said above. It definetely is one day at a time and one choice at a time. It is so easy to get discouraged when progress is halted, hang in there. You are an inspiration to us all!!