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Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Ups and Downs

"Make sure the bar is down and in the locked position ladies and gents. The emotional rollercoaster is about to begin!"

And it's off!!

I spent the day feeling really down on myself all because I felt hungry. This is the 1st day since 1/4 that I have felt hungry. I don't mean hungry leading up to a meal, but just sort of felt hungry all day, ya know? We all have these days so it really shouldn't be a big deal.

The thing is though, that looking over my food tracker (complete - didn't skip over anything I'd rather not have record of eating) there isn't a thing I should feel bad about! I was within my calorie count (1300's), fat count, protien and carbs for the day - a well balance diet - so why was I so hard on myself?

I think all because I felt hungry.... I was disapointed with myself for feeling this way. And what did I want to do about it? Well of course, I wanted to eat! Eating is what I do as I've posted before any time an emotion gets to me. (but - and here's a 'yay me moment' - I didn't eat for my emotions sake)

Ah ha! This is my true problem! Emotions!! I know that I am an emotional eater - always have known this. But what is at the core? We've all heard Doctor Feel Phil - 'What's really eatin' at you?' and Jillian from the Biggest Loser scream into peoples faces (love that show!) until the break down into sobs and confess what their deep hurt or unresolved issue is that is causing them to lead such an unhealthy lifestyle.  What I feel so jealous of is that in the end, they are all able to figure it out and get past it.  I have yet to figure it out.  I sooooo need to figure it out!!!!

And to that end... those mysterious phone calls... I have set up an appointment to speak with a Christian counselor.  Very important to me that it be a Christian counselor so that they will not minimize my faith and beliefs - they are a very integral part of who I am.

The appointment isn't until next month.  I'm looking forward/dreading it!  I am a firm believer that if we allow our present to be shackled by the past then we have made the choice to be a victim.  What happened to us when we were young may not be anything we could have avoided, but it is in our power now to choose how we will live. I've made no excuses, but I also have made no effort to get things out and deal with them.  It's time I deal with things.

It's time I get off of the emotional rollercoaster.  Heck, I don't even like rides!  I get motion sickness!!

* Total side note - I've decided that this layout isn't really me.. so be looking for a new look, or two while I decide on my new layout.  :)

1 comment:

  1. Or.... "e-motion sickness!"

    Sorry, I couldn't resist. Good luck!