Starting To Forget

This has nothing to do with health or anything else I need to make time for really....

But last night was a really tough night!!  Today we're having a family party to celebrate my boys birthdays.  So last night, I was working on some of the food.  Specifically, I made potato salad.  My mum's potato salad.

As I chopped the celery and onion, I began to think of the rest of the ingrediants.  "Did she chop the eggs small or leave them in rings?  How much mustard did she put in?..."  My mum was never a cup of this, 2 teaspoons of that kinda lady.  It was more a bit of this and just enough of that.  But I had cooked with her ever since I was young and she had taught me everything.  However as I was working on the potato salad, it hit me.  I'm starting to forget.

Now for those who have never lost anyone close they may say, "Oh it tastes fine, don't worry."  But to those who have, they'd understand that it's not really about the taste, not really any way.  It's the fact that one of the closest bonds I have with my mother is cooking, and if I'm starting to forget her ways in the kitchen, then it's like I'm starting to forget her.

I'm crushed.  I was awake until 1:00 am crying.  I know so many totally can't relate to this, and for this reason I haven't shared it with anyone face to face except one of my sisters and my husband.  But I needed to get it out, so here I am sharing with my faithful followers and any welcomed visitors.  Not that I'm looking for any kind of response.  Just needed to get it out.

Nothing can change the inevitable.  I will forget things.  We all do.  Memories will start to fade a bit with time.  I know I will never forget my beloved mum, but forgetting little things about her is kind of like losing her again.

Sorry for a down message - don't like to post sad things...  Next post will be cheerier, I promise!